Marriage moving from dating to marriage
"They're not going to change their mind," Mc Grail says.
"If one really has that sense of needing a commitment and the other one doesn't, the chance of that dynamic changing through living together is very slim." 2. The goals of cohabitation should be clear from the outset.
" Don't wait until you've signed a lease to talk about where you see the relationship going. Just because something saves money doesn't mean it's practical.
If you don't feel comfortable talking to somebody about where you stand with them, you probably won't feel comfortable living with them. "So often I see people who move in together because they're trying to save money, and it just turns disastrous," Alpert says.
Both experts suggest splitting the bills in half, or contributing a percentage of each income to the bills.
"Some people are very, very picky about how their environment looks—they keep the place clean and tidy, wash the dishes after every meal," Mc Grail says. "When people are in a relationship but not living together, they know they can always retreat to their own place if they want privacy," Alpert says. "When people make that transition from being in a relationship to living together, there is often an expectation that they need to spend every minute together because that's what they're used to," Alpert says.
If you're sure it's a permanent union, go through your things together and get rid of extras in a way that makes you both feel satisfied. "There may be certain things he likes doing or she likes doing, so have a conversation about that." If you're both busy and contributing financially, it's fair that you share household responsibilities.
Discuss these things before living together, and figure out who enjoys what most, who hates certain things, and what you will do about it. But here is the good news: It's probably someone who likes seeing you naked and will love you no matter where you grow hair.
Is it a trial period, is it a lifelong commitment, and what are your plans for the future?
"I think it's important to have a discussion about the status of the relationship," Alpert says. Are we looking for the same things, are we both looking for marriage or staying together but not marriage?